There’s one thing we absolutely have to clear up: maternal instincts may surface naturally and quickly, but bonding with your child and learning to care for them takes practice and patience. As much as we’d love to believe it’s like the movies, a mother’s bond with her baby doesn’t always happen instantly at birth or during pregnancy. That deep sense of attachment—one that brings security, comfort and love—actually requires work.

It is this misconception that motherhood brings an intense surge of overwhelming affection and effortless care that has cornered many mothers into a space of confusion and shame. Struggling with breastfeeding doesn’t make you a failure—nor does feeling disconnected at times or believing you are less than the other mums who seem to have it all together. In other words, it’s not that straightforward.

Understanding the Bonding Process

Bonding with your baby is much more than just meeting their basic needs. It’s an entire process that triggers biological and emotional responses in both you and your little one. For babies, this bond is essential for their well-being, helping them develop better self-esteem and self-regulation skills, among others. The hard part is that while babies are wired to bond immediately, parents, on the other hand, often need a little more time—one you can easily find in the everyday moments of caregiving.

The bonding process can be—and often is—a delicate period. Mothers who experience prolonged feelings of sadness, anxiety or withdrawal due to postpartum depression may have more trouble connecting with their babies. Acknowledging the challenges of bonding with your baby is the first step towards getting the support you need. 

Bonding with Your Baby

Bonding is fueled by hormones that help strengthen the connection between you and your baby. One of these hormones, oxytocin—also known as the “love hormone”—plays a key role. The good news is that maternal care can be nurtured through intentional interactions with your baby that encourage these loving feelings.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

Skin-to-skin contact offers numerous benefits and is one of the best ways to bond with your baby. Also called kangaroo care, it provides something that incubators can’t: the comforting sound of your heartbeat, which helps soothe your little one. This close contact also helps stabilise your baby’s temperature and breathing, and can even activate their natural feeding instincts. Newborns who experience extended skin-to-skin contact with their mums are more likely to breastfeed successfully.

Eye Contact and Facial Expressions

Eye contact places you and your baby on the same wavelength. In the early stages of bonding, eye contact also plays a part in building up your baby’s social communication skills, namely that the gaze of others conveys important information—things that help them connect with you and understand the world around them. Whenever your child makes eye contact, take the opportunity to talk, sing or cuddle them. These interactions encourage your baby to repeat the same behaviour and strengthen the bond between you.

Responsive Feeding and Care

Learning to read your baby’s behavioural cues is like studying a whole new language. However, understanding and responding to them consistently is what gives them a sense of security that’s integral to your relationship. For example, a fussing or squirming baby could indicate that they’re hungry. Picking up on this and feeding them promptly could show your child that their needs will be met each time they present these signals. 

Engage Your Baby Through Play

The definition of playing for a newborn might differ from that of a toddler’s, but it serves the same purpose of strengthening your mutual connection. For a baby, playing could be as simple as tummy time or peekaboo. These interactions directly impact your child’s development by communicating love, trust and support, which form the foundation for healthy emotional and social growth.

Comforting Routines

Establishing a bedtime ritual or settling into a soothing feeding process provide moments of closeness and reassurance that can greatly benefit parent-infant relationships. These peaceful and predictable tasks help to reinforce a baby’s sense of safety and attachment. Even diaper changes and gentle massages count!

Letting Go of Self-Criticism

It’s easy to feel bogged down when something that’s “supposed” to come naturally takes so much time and effort. But the truth is, parenting is hard work—sleep deprivation, shifts in your body, and the demands of a new role can all make bonding feel insurmountable. While some mothers adjust within days, others may take weeks or even months, and that’s completely normal. Here are some golden rules to keep in mind:

Bonding is a Journey

Bonding is a gradual process, not something that happens suddenly. It unfolds in phases—getting to know, trust and depend on one another. Give your baby time to learn to rely on you as you respond to their needs, offer comfort, and create consistent moments of connection.

Self-Doubt is Part of the Process

Trust us when we say that you’re not alone in feeling the fear and inadequacy of being a parent. There will be times when you feel like you’ve got it all figured out, but if those moments seem overshadowed by the tough ones, remember—you are not a failure. No one is born knowing how to be a parent. Cut yourself some slack and embrace the learning process, and remind yourself that love and effort matter more than perfection.

Celebrate the Small Wins

Parenting is made of trial and error, and every little victory counts. From correctly reading your baby’s body language, getting them to sleep a little longer, or simply enjoying quiet, quality bonding together, these are all signs of progress worth a pat on the back. Celebrate these milestones no matter how tiny, because they are definite proof that you’re learning and growing in parallel with your baby.

Seeking Support and Self-Care

Bonding can be tough, especially when you’re feeling drained and overwhelmed. But don’t forget—taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your little one. Reach out to your support system, whether it’s your partner, a friend, or family member, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. If you’re feeling emotionally low, talking to a professional can really make a difference. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for both you and your baby.

Mothercare Malaysia has been the steadfast partner of parents in Malaysia for over 50 years. Offering premium products for babies, comprehensive services for parents, and thoughtful assistance for all caregivers, we take special care in lightening your load and simplifying your day-to-day. 

Explore all of our products at Mothercare Malaysia or reach out to our Digital Nursery Advisors now. Or, find us at our experience stores at Suria KLCC and Mid Valley Megamall today.